weedfairy
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
 happyOpen to: All, results viewable to: All could you hear my audio posts? ( click to be sick :) ) | ||||||||||
| hit with me | ||||||||||
1 (50.0%)
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
 contentwe destroyed the global economy on purpose. i think i know why we did it. you are god and you can do something to alleviate some of the suffering. so what does all that mean? it means go to wal-mart (cvs) because the tape cuts off at the end. this is just a bunch of rambling about personal things and general opinions and then the tape cuts off at the end. at the cemetery on sunday. i don't cry or anything, i just talk about my family. no grinding wheels on this one. it's digital. it felt good. and i learn my purpose. | ||||||||||
| hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
 it went pretty smoothly | ||||||||||
| hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
 just...wowmy point is i'm totally into this right now. i just got dressed and i'm going to 24-hour wal-mart.....(will wal-greens have it? or better yet cvs?? - i love cvs) to get lots more mini-tapes so i can record myself talking for as long as i feel like i have things to say to myself. i will want you all to hear. this might be a one-time creative thing i exploit because i have the time and space to myself to do it. but i hope it's not. because i created something tonight. a little 30-minute tape of me talking. i'm not just talking to myself. i'm talking to you. all of you. and eventually i'm going to have to figure out how to get you to hear it. it blows typing a journal entry out of the fucking water. there are no revisions. it's all straight from the heart. no editing. ad-lib. just thinking out loud. speaking your truth. my fingers can't keep up with my brain. seriously, i can't wait to figure out how to let you guys hear it. it's not my ego talking. it was just a HUGE THING. it's changed me. if you like reading what i write, you need to hear what i say when i'm speaking. just like here, only without the clumsy typing-medium in the way. off to cvs! i will find a 24-hour one...because that's what the internet is for. it's a mile and a half away. amazing. | ||||||||||
| hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
 tiredour budget at work got cut by 1/3. this means we're not hiring anyone and i'm not getting a raise. it kinda sucks, but i'm not THAT upset about it. i'm going to ask for the raise anyway because i'm ballsy like that. i also have excellent arguments to make. i'm going to give it a while though. when budgets get cut the obvious money-crunches happen. but when you work contractually and have to deal with the clerk of courts, the department of revenue and the sheriff's office and all of their budgets have been cut too, everyone starts looking for a million little ways to push the cost-burden of things off their own plates. departments get cheap about making their own copies and paying for postage and silly crap like that. my bosses are being hen-pecked with that shit right now. it's not a good time to hen-peck them for a raise, no matter how justified. chris tried to get my tensioner ordered so we can do my belts at last, but it's not coming in until monday. which means we'll probably wait another two weeks before we try again because i have plans next weekend (still on joel?). that also means i have my car this weekend, so i can do something if i get the urge. i'm house-sitting for my grandma until monday so my plan was to spend the weekend curled up on the couch at her house petting the kitties and looking through boxes of pictures. but now i might just go to the beach while the weather is nice. freckle up. so something surprising has happened to me. this girl i met is a little whore. and as much as i might have expected that to totally turn me on, it doesn't at all. in fact the opposite is true. what i actually notice happening is that i'd prefer to have a romantic but mostly non-sexual relationship with a girl. kinda like the one i had with sita. it seems like a whole entry of blugh. but actually i feel pretty good :) | ||||||||||
| hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
 giddytoday is 3/11, which means that's all i'm listening to on my ipod all day. i downloaded 15 albums of modest mouse in 20 minutes tonight. it was fucking amazing. the concert last night was AMAZING. tricia made us a thermos full of fresh-strawberry margaritas. the lime tequila she used smelled so good we almost swigged from the bottle. i drank a LOT of that and then a whole lot of beer at the show because we met cute boys who kept buying them for us. that made nate mad and he pitched a fit. it was high-drama. i didn't have a headache this morning but i barfed my guts out. and i still went to work. because i'm a champion. i think i picked up good karma for tipping the bathroom lady $5 and giving her a hug my last time in. most of the vapid bitches that walk in there act like she's invisible. greg and i went downtown saturday and saw the jim henson exhibit at the history center. it was AWESOME, and i got a great muppet caper t-shirt that i'm in love with. we also ate a bunch of yummy food and i think i got the best nights sleep i've had in months. i slept like a dead person. and i got good hugs :) i also bumped someones mercedes in a parking garage. of course i didn't end up parking next to them. i felt a little bit bad. also, the guy who rung me up for my muppet t-shirt looked just like jon's dad in 50 years. he was REALLY sweet and told me i had pretty red hair. speaking of jon, we hung out saturday night. he showed me all of his romania pictures and we watched two AMAZING movies. the first i was hesitant about, speed racer. it turned out to be great. it was colorful and visually exciting. the story line was all over the place but what it lacked in substance, acting, plot and everything else it made up for in decorating and use of color. if i had a million dollars i would build a house and decorate it EXACTLY like the one in the movie. down to the lamps and wallpaper. it was like an orgasm of light and color. the OTHER movie we watched was ninja iii, the domination. it starred kelly, or special k from the breakin movies. she played a chick possessed by a demon ninja and goes around looking like zul from ghostbusters and killing cops. it kicked ASS. we always watch the best movies together. i met a girl while i was out over the weekend. it was kind of a cute and awkward introduction. she's short and was trying to reach something on the top shelf at publix. a bottle of olive oil fell and i caught it before it hit her in the face. she was so cute i almost scooped her up and put her in my basket. i feel like it's a good sign to meet over a bottle of olive oil. it's one of my favorite erotic substances. | ||||||||||
| hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
 excitedwith the exception of sunday, which is the day we are having a GIANT family picnic/reunion, i was feeling kind of bored about my weekend. but greg said he was going to be in orlando for flogging molly all weekend so i'm going over tomorrow after work. we're going to get dinner and saturday we're going to go downtown to see giant guitars and the ultimate puppetmaster :) i am really excited. tricia went to the jim henson exhibit earlier this week and LOVED it. i hope they have t-shirts because i want one. it's been a while since i bought a new t-shirt. and speaking of tricia, we have modest mouse tickets for monday night! i'm going in late to work on tuesday. or i'm taking the whole day off. man, now that that test is over and i got all my funk out, i feel AMAZING. just like i lost 10#. which i have, actually :) | ||||||||||
| hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
 peacefulfuck. that. shit. i'm sick to death of being hounded here. i have been saving money and going to school and working full-time and getting promoted. i have been DOING SHIT. good shit. get the fuck off my case. it's isn't good enough or fast enough. and what it comes down to is my parents are more interested in ridding themselves of their adult children in their house and are not interested in what i want for my own life as long as whatever i'm doing gets me out quickly. it's too much pressure to make a good decision about what i really want to do with my 'future'.... on top of that my privacy here is zero. my cell phone bill is scrutinized. my room is rummaged. my mail is sometimes opened. i have set traps in my bedroom and every single one of them has been set off. the same is true for my brother's room. i think his mail is spared. my mom is looking for debt-collector mail. too much all-up-in-my-business. it's not like i'm stock-piling weapons and shooting heroin. i understand my parents mean well but i think they've lost all sense of perspective when it comes to my dignity and respect. on top of that i am not getting any sleep. i'm up and pacing the house every hour checking on my mom to make sure she hasn't passed out on the porch and might freeze to death in the night. last night when i made a round she had passed out STANDING UP in the kitchen. her head was on the counter and she was snoring when i walked in. getting her drunken, belligerent ass to obey me in those moments is like trying to pick up sand with chop-sticks. impossible and frustrating. what usually happens is i physically shake her awake so hard and violently (because she will NOT come around otherwise) that she wakes with a start and bitches and cusses at me. all while giggling and slurring. it's not funny. it wears me the fuck out. so my nerves are shredded and it's time for me to move. i called my grandma up on monday at lunch and asked her if i could come over on my way home from work tuesday. she said she had bible group, and then asked if i had a problem. i said yeah....and she immediately canceled her plans and invited me over. i told her EVERYTHING. cried and cried and cried some more. i told her about how i have no privacy, how i'm being pressured into making decisions i don't feel comfortable with, how my dignity is impinged upon, how the work i put in around the house is unappreciated. i told her how upset it made me to come home to people who don't really want you there. it has been a LONG time since i lived somewhere where i wasn't passive-aggressively unwelcomed by at least one person in the house. and me, being the type of person who loves living WITH other people and hating so much being alone, it kills me to feel that. i want so badly to be wanted somewhere. i originally went to my grandma because i think i can afford to live alone and i wanted help working out my budget. when i brought the subject up she told me i was being silly and that i should move in with her. since she broke her foot before christmas she's been in a wheelchair. she can't get around as easily and she can't drive anymore. she said she would LOVE to have me there. i'd be good company and i could help her out. she said it didn't matter to her if i took 6 months or 6 years to make my decisions. she thinks i've been really beaten down by my parents and she knows that i'm the only one that doesn't just ignore my mother's alcoholism. she knows how money-centric my parents are and feels the same way about money that i do. she just wants what she needs, not much more. it was such a relief talking to her. i told her how my mom was even pressuring me to date. she and i got in an argument the other night because she was angry at me for 'closing yourself off to opportunities'....meaning someone to marry me so i can get out of her house and she can stop worrying about me. it all comes back around to that. if i ever do get to be married and have a family, i know my mother will have long drunk and smoked herself to death and is going to miss it all anyway. my grandma made the comment when i told her how worn out i was from tending to my mom that i shouldn't have to raise my own mother. when she put it like that to me i thought about it in the context of my life and where i'm at as opposed to where other women my age are at. i think i'm not starving for children because i've kinda been raising them my whole life. i've been dealing with my mom for at least 20 years. the year my uncle committed suicide is the year she started drinking HEAVILY. and i don't blame her. if i ever came home and found my brother swinging i would probably follow him. but since then she has created excuse after excuse to keep going. she has nothing positive to talk about EVER and continually brings up issues that are 5-10 years old. i'm worn out with it. and both of my parents complain at the top of their lungs how used and abused they feel. no one ever wants their help with anything because you will never be able to thank them enough. the snatch and claw for thanks so much you hardly want to give it to them. they equate how hard they work with how much money they've made, and my grandma pointed out that lots of people have worked as hard as they have. they've both just been very, VERY fortunate on top of that. no one really feels sorry for them when they start whining because money problems to them are having less of a surplus than they normally do. they don't ever get to where they couldn't keep up with their bills. they are hurting like everyone, but they are not suffering. they also have trouble finding sympathy when they start bitching about their kids (me and daniel). i'm the worst they've got and i'm not THAT bad. i've never had a baby or gotten into crazy debt or been in jail or hooked on bad drugs. i'm just having a terrible time finding my niche. when i told my grandma about my parents getting babysitters for me last fall when they went to colorado because they were afraid i was going to use their house for a party....she snorted and said in a disgusted voice that that was RIDICULOUS! i finally have someone on my side who can actually help me. and my grandma and i like living together. i lived with my grandparents for a while when i was a teenager and wasn't getting along with my parents. and i lived with my grandma after my grandpa died so she wouldn't be alone. we're both alone now, and there's no reason for that. what i'm most excited about is the steady stream of family-traffic that floods through my grandma's house. i'll get to see all the kids SO much more. and i'm looking forward to lots of evenings watching law & order and eating takeout. i feel like so many things in my life are on track and keeping them that way on my parent's watch is an up-hill battle. i'm thankful for the chance to just clip along at a steady pace without any roadblocks. and i am going to save SO MUCH MONEY. so yeah, love my grandma. and i know i'm her favorite too :) | ||||||||||
| hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
giddyi think that plan b was unnecessary. i'm having a totally normal period. also, i'm back on birth control again so it should be less of a worry now. i seem to be having all the same weepy emotional reactions to the hormones this time that i had the last time. it's hell. nothing would feel better than to be held in those moments. but they are only moments, and that's a manageable relief. saturday i spent partly at the library studying for my math test, and partly at the beach being awesome. i found a kick-ass little spot down south of coconut point and ponce that is nearly deserted and the homes and condos along the edge are mostly shuttered up. it feels very private and cozy. i settled down in a nice dune and read and slept for a few hours. my skin got darker, my hair got lighter, and my freckles got a fresh dusting. today was too nasty to be outside, but i am so glad i squeezed it in when i could. i feel so much more alive after sitting in the sun like that. it's so energizing. and i like the pink of my skin when i look in the mirror :) me and daniel hung out this morning while our parents were at church. we were sitting outside just before the wind picked up and the temperature dropped. we saw about 30 vultures fly out of the woods and circle the house catching thermals for a good twenty minutes. it was very freaky. they'd land in the trees around our yard and the cats would watch them as though they thought they might have a chance of catching one if it would only come down to the ground. and so it seems birth control was a right-on-time decision because my sex life has picked back up again. it feels really good. i got to spend saturday night going to town on the softest, most delicious skin i've tasted in over a year. we were definitely the right people for each other at the exact right time. he did exactly what i love most when i am giving a very serious blow job - he held my hair up and out of my face and gripped it so tight that tears were welling up and i could feel myself squishing in my panties. he was just the right kind of sensitive to enjoy me gently licking and tonguing him from his belly button to his butt cheeks for about an hour. and he was perfectly perfectly shaped for going right down my throat. he was so good using his grip on my hair to guide me that i think i actually improved my deep-throating capabilities. he'd press so incredibly insistently and wait so patiently for my throat to relax before he tried to press further. and he did it so slowly and it was so amazingly sensual that i thought i was going to pass out from happy. he'd slide in and out like that three or four times, really slowly, and once he felt me relaxed he'd poundpoundpound until i was choking. he'd release his grip on my hair and start stroking my head and face so gently while i'd get a breath and then it would start all over again. at one point when i think he was getting close and needed to stop for a second he started biting me on the neck and shoulders so hard that i saw stars. he growled a little when he did that, and it was so hot. he had a lot of nice ink too that made for nice patterns to trace with my tongue and fingers. when he finally allowed himself to come it was straight down my throat and it was one of the longest orgasms i have ever felt in my mouth. obviously it had been a while. just a yummy, yummy night. all oral, no sex. very, very nice. and today i met and hung out with tricia-with-a-penis. i mean he is tricia down to the sugar gliders and the candy-bowl full of starbursts and lemonheads. a LOT of fun. we watched a documentary on how babies develop in the womb and muted the sound so we could overlay it with the fat of the land album, which was seriously just about the trippiest shit i have ever seen in my life. what made it even more interesting is that he differs from tricia in that he is extremely intellectual, so while watching this amazing stuff going on we were both picking up the narrative on the science of what was actually going on. there was one segment that was looking at a cumshot through an electron micrscope, and we were listening to diesel power. just take your mind and hit it with an egg beater a few times, you'll kinda get the same sensation. uhhh-mazing. we have no office manager this week. there is only three of us and more work than we can manage with even four. new rounds of interview happen after she gets back next week. i cannot wait to get someone in there. then i can go back to doing only one job instead of two. also, we're not getting our new pay-raises until the new person starts. i think that is bullshit. i'm making friends right now with someone new. he's been hovering around for about a month, very patiently and with an air of strange dedication. so i thought i'd give him a chance. he is really cute. and very...aware. i love that. | ||||||||||
| 1 bong hit | hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
peacefuli wish had something that would write my journal entries out while i speak them. because i have so much to say but i just want to lay in bed and say it instead of sit up an type it all. tricia danced around at a bar in downtown orlando with a cooler on her head for front-row/backstage motley crue tickets. you only had to do it in your bra but when she saw that her little a-cups were up against two big sets of fake robo-boobs, she knew she had to pull out all the stops. she did it topless and won. my brother bought a house in our old neighborhood. it's a REALLY nice house. and it's a LOT of house. we're all a little worried about the money. and the fact he's letting his girlfriends mother do the loan. the first one with her new mortgage company. i don't like it. she is as dumb as her daughter. phillip, kristi, and natalie are coming over tomorrow night :) i get to hold natalie and vent to my sister(in-law) about the above-mentioned topic. they have filled my brain up with so much stuff at work that it swims at the end of the day. i have a million little post-it notes all over my wall and my monitor and my desk. it looks unorganized as fuck right now, but it's actually helping me kick a whole lot of ass. my second math test is next week. if tonight's class is any indication, i should easily pull another B. an A if i fight hard enough. and it is a battle. i've lost 10# since the 16th. i already feel much better. chris is going to try to do my belts again tomorrow night. that tensioner screw has had rust-eating lube-juice on it for two weeks, so if it doesn't budge it's going to have to be broken off. another $75 :( please be loose! i think i'm done. | ||||||||||
| hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
 edgyi feel sad and i'm worrying about my youngest brother. i'm disappointed with something my office manager did at lunch yesterday. the problem with my manager i HAVE to address this morning and i don't want to. i just want to do my work. the problem with my brother i can't say a word to him about. it would undermine our awesome relationship to give him unsolicited advice. but to stand by and watch bad things happen to him almost kills me. i want a hug. a 20-minute bear hug where i can put my head on someones chest and listen to their heart beating. the nervous vibration that exists in mine would feel calmed by that. despite those things i'm happy on the inside. rather i'm irrepressibly optimistic that things are going to be ok. | ||||||||||
| hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
 the happiest       | ||||||||||
| 1 bong hit | hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
 thankfulthis experience with natalie has kicked my brain into overdrive. i cannot stop thinking. and feeling. some of it is rather upsetting. i'm feeling very sad for myself. and there's not really much i want to do to change that because i feel like this is how things are supposed to be. it hurts me, but it feels right. i don't think i belong with anyone. my standards for a man are so ridiculously high. they're not impossibly unreasonable, i just may have already hit my quota for awesome-men-you-can-know-in-one-lifetime. i make them all mad quite a bit. and i can't help who i am, nor do i wish to change. so i don't complain too much about what i've got and what i don't have. i accept all of this as my own design. and i'm not too sorry about it all. | ||||||||||
| hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
 hug-ball! it's a two-fold feeling. overwhelming waves of utter joy and happiness at this precious new little person in our lives. dizzying, tear-dripping sadness because of the almost-certain feeling i will never experience these kind of moments first-hand. 02/16/2009 period started. i don't allow myself to have babies because conditions never meet my extremely high standards. i don't want a baby, i want a family. and i've had to be ruthless to be fair to everyone involved. sometimes that kills a little part of you that will never grow back. that's why i'm so happy and thankful for my family. i love them all so very much. | ||||||||||
| hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
peacefuli dyed my hair saturday. it's BRIGHT red again. i dyed it outside so i wouldn't stain anything in the bathroom. i was only out there for about an hour in my bathing suit. when i came back in my mom and crystalynn told me that i got dye all over the back of my neck. i wasn't surprised until i tried to wash it off and found out it was actually sunburn. what the hell? i can stay out there for four hours and get a light dusting of freckles. i'm out yesterday for an hour and i'm pepto-pink. i don't understand. my sister-in-law went to the hospital tonight to get some kind of treatment that will soften her cervix. she was due friday and hasn't dilated at all. she goes in tomorrow for induction. i may leave work early, depending on what happens. here's all the tshirts i made for us:   also, i had a bunch of leftover stuff from making the shirts, so i stole some of my dad's underwear and made him these:  there's a little pink heart turned upside down on the front down low in the crotch. that was my brother's idea. they're like little balls. we laughed our asses off making them, and my brother has started singing this little song under his breath that my dad doesn't get is about him yet. for valentine's day my dad made my mom a handwritten card. she believes everything she sees or hears on tv, so he decided to get back at her for being ignorant. they watched a program and something came up about do's and don'ts in getting gifts for your valentine. my mom wants jewelry. she wanted it for christmas and didn't get it, then she wanted it for valentine's day and didn't get it. the don'ts on the list were tools, things to cook or clean with, etc. the do's were jewelry (my mom says YES!), chocolates (mom says NO!), flowers (mom says NO!), or a handwritten card (dad says YES!). so he made her a card. and he got all arts-and-crafts with it because it has a pop-up heart and he wrote her a poem in pencil: NO chocolate, NO jewelry NO flowers, NO dinner for two But a handwritten card says NO doubt I love you! hours and hours of hilarity. it's still funny, two days later. i can imagine him making it while he's getting coffee ready in the morning, laughing so hard at himself he can hardly write. chris is going to change out my belts tomorrow after work. we were going to do it today but he was working on another car and then it rained. $125 for three belts and an oil change sounded like a deal to me. i wish we'd done it during a time when i was less busy, but unfortunately that was also during a time when i had less money. my fake/forced period should be coming on soon, assuming plan b worked. assuming it was needed. i'm feeling it a little, but not like it's going to arrive immediately. my feet have swelled up like two fat little dumplings and it doesn't matter if i walk, stretch and move them, soak them in warm or cold water, elevate my legs....nothing works. they still feel tight and full of water. but my hands aren't puffed up too, which is weird. it's just my feet. and my now-cankles. ugh. so attractive. i've prepared for period-jello-salad by purchasing the super-tampons and the big diaper-like pads. like the kotex the school nurse used to give you that scrunched like a diaper between your legs as you walked. but with wings. this is my armor. i'm ready for battle. i keep thinking that since i can't find a boy to like then maybe i'll look around for a girl instead. and then i look around and end up having the same damn problem with the girls that i'm having for the boys. i don't like anyone. i can't even get depressed about it because it's not for lack of trying. i don't feel neglected or lonely or desperate. i know there are people out there who have feelings for me. and i'm sorry to have to teach them the same lesson i've had to learn, that sometimes it just isn't mutual. and i don't know why. the feeling that it's ultimately unnecessary for me to be with someone as long as i am close to my family is growing on me. i think the recent pictures show all over my face who i'm still in love with. it's not exactly unrequited either. i am appreciated in return. what i feel doesn't require cooperation to sustain itself. it just is, and when it's able to be expressed in the form of a messy blow job or something similar, it isn't sitting like a sickness inside me. even when it's not able to be expressed, it doesn't eat at me. i don't want to be with him anymore. i've gotten to know him better the past couple nights we've spent together, and i don't think we match in the same ways i thought we did. it doesn't change how i feel about him, but it did change what i want from him. sex every couple months is good enough for me. and awesome pictures that make me look as gorgeous as he makes me feel are really good for my ego. also, i think you have a journal, and i think you're a friend on my list somewhere. how else would you have seen that i posted a locked entry of our faces? if you don't have one and you didn't see that, you're psychic. and that scares me into submission. that picture is my desktop background and my favorite of the bunch. i love it. and i love you. i got an 87 on my math test last week. i've never worked so hard for a B in my entire life. i totally blanked on completing the square and missed a few points here and there through bad arithmetic and silly mistakes, but i got the extra credit which helped a little. i've started this weeks homework and i'm going back over parts of the homework that has stuff i missed on the test. after all of this, watch me go into law and have it not matter. no, it does matter. it's building my confidence and enabling my brain to think in a more analytical way. good job amy. extra orgasms for you tonight, for being such a good girl. | ||||||||||
| hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
after work yesterday i went to the bookstore. as i was walking out of the building i saw a guy coming up the sidewalk with camping gear all over his back, and a bag of taco bell in his hand. melbourne has a thriving homeless population, and when i was growing up i used to hang out at the melbourne library a LOT. it's near the homeless shelter and the soup kitchen so there are a lot of homeless people hanging out there. i kind of made friends with a few of them so i'd talk to them while i was there. i also volunteered at the soup kitchen for honor society, so i knew a couple from there too. one of them worked for a landscaping company whose trucks i see around town. he said his lifestyle was a choice, and he preferred not having to worry about taxes and insurance and all the stuff regular people worry about. a few of the other guys i talked to had the same kind of feeling. so last night when i saw this kid walking up, i decided to flag him down to see if he wanted to talk. i speak the universal hippie language for friendship, so it's not hard making fast and comfortable friends with people. we communed with nature for a bit and then found a picnic table to sit at. chris told me of a community of homeless people living in the woods near the mall. i didn't believe him until i was sitting in my magic patch at the movie theatre across the street and i saw a man come out of those woods and walk up a couple blocks. this guy i talked to last night confirmed there is one. he said there are some guys who have been living there for years. some of them leave their stuff, but he's only been there a couple months so he carries all his stuff with him every day. he said for the most part the guys in there are decent, but there are a couple of coke/crack heads that turn up high every once in a while and it gets weird. i asked him how he ended up there. he said he worked in construction and made a lot of money after the hurricanes in 2004. after that he wanted to backpack around the country for a while. when he returned home again there was no more work. he doesn't have any family really, just a dad in south florida he doesn't speak to. he was pretty positive and gregarious, so i just kinda sat there and talked to him wondering at how other people's lives play out. i spent about 45 minutes hanging out, and then it started getting really dark so we said goodbye. my sister-in-law is technically due tomorrow, but at her appointment yesterday she found out she's not even dilating. so she's going to be induced on monday, but her doctor is warning her that with as closed up as she is right now, inducing may not work. she may be looking at a c-section. we hope not :( my mother is convinced she's having her naturally on saturday. because that's valentine's day, and it would be SO kristi :) when i talked to her last night she let me know she and my brother haven't had sex since her 4th month. no wonder her cervix isn't softened up!! it's been ignored for five months. she said my brother wouldn't do it with her because his baby was in there. she said he's weird. i agree. and it's really sweet at the same time. of course he could also be shallow enough to not be able to get it up with the belly in the way. i say flip her over and don't worry about the belly. i'm doing two jobs at work right now, because we haven't found a new person to hire yet. so i'm about to go get buried. did i say that me and tricia are seeing modest mouse again on march 9th? because we totally are. *kickass* | ||||||||||
| 1 bong hit | hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
 ridiculously happyi had such an awesome weekend. i picked up my 12-year old cousin, autumn on my way home from work friday. i'm the oldest of all of our family's grandchildren, and autumn is the youngest. she's kind of the forgotten child. her older cousins started having babies while she was still a little kid so she ended up getting lost in the shuffle. and no one ever talks to her about anything. i was sure she didn't realize that we have two extra cousins who are cousins to her just like me and kristin are. our uncle, their dad, killed himself and blamed their mother in his note. that made my grandparents blame her and the girls ended up becoming estranged. and then only a couple years ago, their mom also killed herself and in her note requested to be buried next to my uncle....who is buried next to my grandpa. it caused an uproar. but my cousin kristin and i fought hard and won for their mom to be buried with their dad, because we thought it was important that they have one place they can go to visit their dead parents. we also advocated for raising the money to help the girls pay for funeral and burial costs, because they have nothing. autumn is way old enough to start rattling the family bones. we also talked about each of our mom's alcoholism. and she talked about her brothers and one of her sisters having bad friends and getting into trouble. she's also due to get her period like any minute, had no idea what to expect. i swear, no one talks to that kid. we covered it ALL in a few short hours. we also painted our nails. and when we were out to dinner we bumped into our grandma, and other aunt and uncle. usually when i'm out around town the only family member i bump into is autumn's oldest sister, andrea. after we ate dinner autumn wanted to see if we could pick up kaitlyn, so we did. i asked her how late she might stay up, and she she kinda went 'psssh, i'll stay up all night.' yeah, she was out by 10:30, slept until nine the next morning. katie is the opposite. she stayed awake so long i couldn't maintain any longer. i left her bundled up in my chair with her sippy watching a movie. at some point she finally got sleepy and crawled into bed between me and autumn. i got no sleep because i was attacked by chubby little elbows all night. autumn dead-sleeps all flung out in complete abandon, and there's no moving her. katie flailed whenever she started losing space. i got 1/4 of the space on my bed, and not really to myself, but waking up to all that cuteness in the morning made it all worth it. we went to the zoo saturday. the brevard zoo, for being rather small, is pretty awesome. the first thing we did was rush to the giraffe canopy. it's built up on a platform that put you at eye-level with them, and it's open so you can touch and feed them. it was hilarious when they knew you had a cracker in your hand for them. their tongues would come out and the tip would wiggle and quiver until you put the treat on it and they gulped it down. let me tell you what, giraffes have HUGE HEADS. i'm not kidding. they are fricken enormous. there was also a white rhino in that area, and katie liked looking at him. she was a little freaked by the giraffes, but she didn't cry. she just turned her head if one got close. we spent most of the rest of the day looking at monkeys and feeding birds. an emu also bit my hand while i was trying to feed it until i just sucked it up and let it eat from my cupped hand while hoping he wouldn't draw blood. it was fine. it was like feeding roadrunner birdseed. there were a ton of wild that lined up on the fence over the gator pen of all places, and you could toss food right into their mouths...as long as another bird didn't try to dart in the line of fire to steal. we also spent a ton of time feeding the lorakeets. that was a huge deal for me because i'm kind of afraid of birds. but i had two kids with me and i had to act brave so i wouldn't keep them from having fun. you could get nectar cups to feed them, but we just went in to try it at first. there were birds flying all over the place and crawling all over people trying to get at the nectar cups. i stood really still and one flew onto my shoulder right by my face. inside i was like ohshitohshitohshitohshit but on the outside i was going 'oooooh katie look!' i got used to it, one pooped on my shoulder, and at one point i was nectar-less and still had five of them all over me. katie liked when there was one on my head. i'm glad that didn't get pooped on. i saw my best friend from second grade while i was there. i hadn't seen her or talked to her since we were both about 15. at first i wasn't sure it was her, and then i circled around and got a good look. it was, but as i was watching her i noticed what a total bitch she was being. she was with some redneck-looking guy and there was a little boy trailing them. she was being a bitch to the guy and mean to the little boy. because of her behavior i wasn't really interested in going up and saying hi. you ought to watch how you're behaving in public. you never know who is watching. i paid for both journals this weekend. and i bought modest mouse tickets for tricia and i. hob march 9th. it's gonna be awesome. and my brother made an offer on a house in our old neighborhood. it's a bit of a fixer-upper, but the structure is sound, the lot is HUGE, there's a canal behind it, and it's a foreclosure. he bid $114K. the current owners bought it for $230K during the boom. he'll find out by friday if he gets it. i hope he does. we'll fix it up and then we'll move in :) also for the bamillionth time.....I'M GONNA BE AN AUNTIE IN ONE WEEK! can. not. wait. | ||||||||||
| hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
so happy!( .....promise :) ) ......and i am VERY excited :D before it drifts too distantly in the past, the wailers concert was AWESOME saturday night. they did the exodus album, which is one of my least favorites, and it was still kick-ass. when the opening band was on, the floor (which is where i was and ALWAYS am during shows) was packed but there was still moving room. when the wailers finally came out, we were packed up next to each other ribcage-to-ribcage, back to front and side to side. my favorite kind of crowd. i jostled around until i got far enough away from the statues and the high school kids to discover the other waist-winders. then i moved in with them and finished the show. the girl next to me crouched down to hit her bowl and her boyfriend and i looked at each other when we distinctly smelled burning hair. she popped back up and yelled that her hair got in the bowl, laughed and kept dancing. allow me to describe her handbag: it was enormous, and there was a bowling ball in it. it was also dangerous, so when she moved it to her left side and pressed up against my right, we could put our arms around each other and keep dancing. that was much better. i was also a fan of the two broad shouldered men in front of us who were happy to let us lean up to rest if it meant our boobs would press and bounce up against their backs. thanks guys. and thank you tall, baby-faced, probably 23-year-old boy right behind me with the hoodie and the giant hands. yes you may squeeze me by the hips and dig your fingers into me mercilessly as you fail miserably in trying to avoid poking me with your hard-on. it's ok. it's part of the fun. also, i'm happy to say jose and i bonded for the entire day. this was only his second concert ever, which is shocking for how into good music he is. and he made me watch no country for old men which scared the living piss out of me. javier bardem is the scariest, scariest, most frightening motherfucker ever. jose put the movie on and went to go get a shower so i watched the first 30 minutes of it alone. i watched this shadowy bowl-cutted silhouette maneuver his cuffed hands from the back of his body to the front, steal up silently behind a deputy on the phone and then choke the living shit out of him. and i was freaked the fuck out. because i don't watch that kind of stuff ever, and ESPECIALLY not by myself. usually my hands are over my eyes WAY early into this kind of scene, but i was fucking RIVETED and could NOT look away. i watched the entire thing and noted with a special sense of horror the look on bardem's face and in his wild eyes as he's in the peak of the struggle. it was frightening, and i'm not sure i believe that a person can act that emotion with that kind of fierceness without truly feeling it. to know that he had to only ACT like he was killing that other actor, just make it look like he was seriously into it....well, the academy awards have best actor all wrong. now that i've seen it and survived through it without being a pussy AND not had nightmares, i want to watch it over and over and over again. kinda like ichi the killer. on a more chipper note, me and jose are both kung-fu and anime junkies. we're sitting outside in the sun and he's like, 'i want to show you this movie, you've probably never heard of it. it's called AKIRA.' and so i'm like, 'you mean the film with the most hand-animated cels per second than any other animated movie ever made? oh i've heard of it. it's like, it's like a cosmic rebirth!' and so ensued the afternoon nerd-fest. it was a nice lead up to an awesome night. jose is such an awesome guy. if only he didn't have such a red-hot temper. i went for plan b yesterday. just in case. up next: p-j-s. tricia may be the only one in my life who understands what that means. bff+e+e+e. completely randomly....this site made me feel like these people really understand that tattoos can be so much more artistic design that compliments the shape and contours of the human body....and so much less sticker-images and advertisements for a persons favorite pop-culture items or symbols that turn their beautiful bodies into the insides of their middle school lockers. did i mention i am going to be an aunt in about 10 days?? NO??? i made t-shirts! let me show you them: i still have to make them for my mom and dad, henceforth known in reference to baby tilly grace as 'grammy' and 'pop' :) SOOOOO EXCITED!!! you know, i really don't think i've ever been this truly happy in my entire life. everything is AMAZING :) | ||||||||||
| hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
 satisfiedi do. and if basil will send me the pictures, we can all see them. my weekend:  | ||||||||||
| 1 bong hit | hit with me | ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
|
feeling:
happy   | ||||||||||
| 1 bong hit | hit with me | ||||||||||
Powered by DeadJournal.com