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THE HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE ANGUISH. the sadness. the PAIN. the grief. all of it so real... i get nada from denying my feelings, or the feelings of others...and i see what's going on... some people are bent on suicide, self destruction, a sort of psychospiritual retardation that leaves them spitefully, stupidly denying any emotions that manifest at all...as if they were simply bent on getting out of life, out of this world... they lie about everything and hate the truth... meanwhile i have to face it...i love her so much, the idea of her pain is causing ME pain, and what makes it better? what takes away this horrible pain, she is in so much pain and smiling through it. women are -- ARE -- stronger...the whole 'men don't cry' b. s. is CRIPPLING to humanity... but the combination of feelings -- plus of course, the LIES of the "Psoviets"... so obvious and that's what it's MADE for. to subjugate. so much evil and so much goodness at the same time. i can see it and i'm glad -- even while the filthy Psoviet lie goes on offering a freedom that it HATES and would never, ever actually allow people to enjoy. stinking fascists...death to them and their "orders". just DEATH. they cause so much misery and suffering with their LIES. i know the way. --------- just the misery of being dominated and enslaved in this police state, this lie that calls itself freedom, this malevolent fascism that seeks to control and enslave everyone. EVERYONE... it's ending and they know it it's pure evil, not sustainable and they are paranoid, afraid that people will rise up and break free of their rule (it's happening, everywhere...) lying pigs. why i am leaving this group? divided and conquered. people who do the same robotic SHIT over and over again will fail to accomplish what is desired - a complete END of psychotronic tyranny. instead, they will do the same robotic SHIT, over and nauseatingly over and over. i'm leaving THIS group and moving to networking efforts that are showing more promise. i suggest that you do the same, as i have noticed that you have worked the internet tirelessly, i believe, since around the Y2K - 9-11 period. you can say what you FUCKING want about me. i am anarchist and this situation sickens me. people who are "loyal to the government" will NEVER be able to do anything about this problem until they change their own minds. if you are mentally enslaved, you're mentally enslaved! technology or no technology. there was, uh, ACTUAL slavery in the years leading up to the ratification of the constitution -- and it's STILL going on. what you MUST realise is that you face psychotronic fascism. COURTESY of what calls itself "Republic" or "the Republican Party". It has also been called International Socialism -- it LIES and seeks total control. people seem addicted to using the term "TI". they should stop. it is debilitating and the TRUTH is the entire planetary population is targetted. why do people keep doing the same thing when it has no effect year after year? because their FUCKING MINDS ARE CONTROLLED. you have to WAKE UP and stop doing the same things. some people have been using the same DUMB terminology since 9/11. what would THEY want rather than people doing THE SAME DUMB SHIT THAT HAS NO EFFECT over and over, until they DIE? do you KNOW who TEXAS INSTRUMENTS are? "TI"? Do you know who they are CONNECTED to, and exactly WHAT they do? they LAUGH at you, that's what they fucking do. you gotta hang up the cell phone, stop FUCKING "Blogging" and start USING YOUR OWN BRAINS. because as you must know by now, if you don't, THEY WILL. and they will LAUGH at you and monitor groups like this to make SURE you are still using impotent strategies and debilitating terminology -- that works right into their agenda! WAKE. THE. FUCK. UP. | ||||||||||
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| Overall I am really happy with Windows 7. I also have Ubuntu 9.10 on another partition. I don't use it as much as like, at least not yet, because Windows has all of my setttings, passwords, setup, the way I like things. I need to learn more about how to tweak Ubuntu before I could be all the way happy with using it all the time. I wish my games would play using Ubuntu, that is the biggest drawback. | ||||||||||
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yeah, it IS because i am gentle. sensitive. caring. all that water sign stuff that, in truth, nobody can actually live WITHOUT. watersign stuff like being able to see when someone suffers from the same pain that i do, and actually doing something to help rather than just selfishly turning away. in a way: the whole BoulderToBoulder Project has been like the opening of "Crouching Tiger" -- when the Wu Dan master mentions that he was deep within meditation but then became aware of a profound and sharp anguish. I know when people are hurting inside and doing their best to armadillo it through situations...especially shitty situations...like the suicide girls. it's particularly nasty.  THEY
ARE FUCKING CRIPPLED. i know so many desperate nipplebiting motherfuckers who
have spoken about women as if all they were were a hole and a potential
business transaction...they leave women generally suicidal or lesbian, and they really think they are "down". i know what Down means.Down means standing up for what is Good, not just "righteous" but against real evil...needlesly hurtful things. this is the real core of anarchy. anyone who says they are about anarchy and yet are against women's rights are so FUCKING lying that it's a mental aberration -- schizoid and backwards -- and not sustainable. that and OTHER reasons are why i share my love and my will with those whom i CHOOSE to share it with and with who CHOOSE to share it with me. frozen robot social fascism says some shit about 'death @ hippies' ...they are too fucking stupid to know how stupid they are. | ||||||||||
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feeling:
 complacentThe UAC I was bitching about earlier when I listed the pros and cons of my windows 7 installation, yeah, there it is. In the news on Slashdot proving just how ineffective it really is. I run AVG Free. I also don't do stupid shit (a lot...). I've never had a system get a virus. I've shared a system with someone who THOUGHT it had a virus on it, but I never saw any proof AND I lost all my Oblivion game saves in the process because the SOMEONE thought the only way to fix it would be to reformat and not back up the game saves folder first..... Edited: Another article from Computer World: http://www.computerworld.com/s/arti | ||||||||||
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I have to be honest and this is the place where I am allowed to get my feelings out so deal I think it's pretty shitty that we couldn't go to Indianapolis to go trick or treating with Lilly and Gabe's cousins (Austin and Landen). I don't think it's fair that the only options were: Terre Haute or nothing at all. If you ask google maps, Terre Haute and Fishers (the place we would be going to in near Indy) are pretty much the same distance taking pretty much the same amount of time (1 hour 40 minutes give or take). We went trick or treating last year in Terre Haute and it sucked. Karen pretty much took over the whole thing like she does every other thing she is involved in. So instead of it being about me and my babies and our first Halloweens, it's about Karen Young and getting her way with her grandchildren. And instead of Ryan coming back to the house with me and his child, he went off with his brother and sister who are much older than my children and we got left alone. I was also multiple months pregnant with Gabe and was having a lot of trouble walking long distances. It was not trick or treating with his sister and brother as they did not stay with us and were more interested (of course) in being with their friends. If we went to Fishers, we would be going with two other small children who would be doing more age appropriate trick or treating. Plus, we had to skip out on Landen's birthday party because Ryan didn't want to go (although he said it was because the brakes are bad on his car, and yes they are bad, but he was driving us other places just as far. We went all the way to Bedford and then some to go pick out a Christmas tree that we don't bring home for another month). i brought it up to him that we could go to Fishers when Erika invited us a little less than two weeks ago. I instantly thought it was a great idea because I am never fond of going to Terre Haute and because the kids would get to spend time with their cousins since we didn't go to the birthday party. I am also annoyed that as soon as we decide we are going to Terre Haute, Ryan calls his mom instantly. And that the people in Terre Haute are constantly sick and the swine flu is bad there. Well. shit. I am done for now. | ||||||||||
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sick of bitching to everyone else. mainly because they are sick of hearing me bitch. and personally I am sick of being bitchy. it just happens sometimes I guess. no excuses. a lot of my behavior is uncalled for. I wish I had someone smarter than me to guide me through. instead i feel all alone like no one cares to help me but me. i get caught up in these circles go round and round the same problem. it's never the issue on the cover. it never is. reading some of that book last night helped me confirm that. I've know that for years now. My problem lies with trying to get my partner on the same page, convincing my opposite to use the same self help strategies that I have. So when the time comes, instead of blowing up like usual, we could both stop, and answer the REAL question. The real question is never as obvious as it should be, but it's always the same. Do you love me? Are you going to be there for me? Can I depend on you? Can I trust you? It's ridiculous to see how simple it really is and then think of all the pain not knowing the answer to those questions has caused. It sucks to think that I was never on the same page as my ex boyfriend(s). I have seen the damage it can cause and I try to stop it in it's path, mostly I am unsuccessful because my partner is oblivious to the outcome I hope to achieve (PEACE and QUIET). I hate being told I have to have everything my way. It's not true. | ||||||||||
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We have a serious dog problem. I can't watch cable in the downstairs bedroom because she chewed the cable located outside. She has also chewed up a three pairs of shoes. She has chewed countless children's toys, my welcome mat, part of the upstairs shed on the deck, the baby gate located on the deck, books, the carpet (yes she tore up a spot), and the christmas lights. There are many other things I can't even remember now. She has toys. I don't have time to train this dog. | ||||||||||
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http://sashagrey.com/ most of us are united under the notion that we wuz robbed and now fair game's fair game where we can get it. i believe in chaos and coincidence: i'm a pretty decent zen archer. meanwhile in my mind i am grappling with questions...how to do things? i can i splice digital videos togethet? what soft do i need, and then... | ||||||||||
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feeling:
 cheerful Just some pros and cons: I like that I can keep my desktop clutter free (i prefer no icons). I also like the new wallpapers. It might satisfy for a few weeks. I add desktop and address to my toolbar. I also unpin everything because I don't like all the clutter. I never install the desktop icon, although some programs seem to throw their desktop icon on their anyway I don't like clicking to OK every download from the internet like I'm about to install a virus. 7 also asks me for administrative permission to put anything onto the computer. I really don't want or need any unnecessary protection from myself. The feature is called "User Account Control". Turning off this feature is pretty simple, though it (and Ryan) make you feel like a bad computer using for doing so. | ||||||||||
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there is a High Power that watches over us. "Black Cat" All the lonely nights I spend alone Never around to love me You're always gone Cause you're hangin out Breakin' the rules Oh the man has come Looking for you You're a rebel now Don't give a damn Always carrying on With the gang I'm trying to tell you boy It's a mistake You won't realize Til it's too late Don't understand Why you insist On ways of living such a dangerous life Time after time you stay away And I just know that you're telling me lies Black cat Nine lives Short days Long nights Livin on the edge Not afraid to die Heart beat Real strong But not For long Better watch your step Or you're gonna die You're so together boy But just at a glance You'll do anything If given a chance Scheming, plannin lies To get what you need So full of promises That you never keep Don't you tell yourself That it's okay Sick and tired of All of your games And you want me to stay Better change Makes no sense to me Your crazy ways Black cat Nine lives Short days Long nights Livin on the edge Not afraid to die Heart beat Real strong But not For long Better watch your step Or you're gonna die ---- what is it about? that was quite a number of years ago... --- just: wow. like That ISN'T it. Not ALL of it.  like, can we talk about 'Good Times?' what is Love, what isn't it. but the evilness of american culture is secretly snickering we worked that nigger like a slave and now he's dead. let's dance on his grave.  WHERE? what do i have to DO? -- yeah, i know what a cash cow is, a goose that lays golden eggs, like knowing what Michael went through when he was FIVE years old and making more money than Muhammad Ali and Sidney Poitier, and how they couldn't do it without him. i know -- like i bow before the greatest dancers of the 2oth century, all of them -- i KNOW what it means when they grab a human commodity and USE IT until it dies. if anything, Michael caught all the bullets for his sister Janet, they USED him and USED him...societal rape is often perpetrated economically. "Niggers" aren't supposed -- according to the venally, brutally STUPID white supremacist mind to be able to UNDERSTAND that. For years it was a crime punishable by DEATH to teach an African slave to READ. (might have scanned the Bill of Rights) resistance to nazism has gone on for a long time. it's finally about to succeed. -- yeah, you're right. i absolutely can NOT be in love with someone i don't know personally.  guess that's just the way it goes. also http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/natur  | ||||||||||
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feeling:
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